Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Feeling Crabby at the Weed Man

(Click to enlarge cartoon, if you like. Or squint. ) :)

There was a piece of paper on my front door-step when I came home from work the other day.

It was from a lawn-care company that claimed for the low, low price of $268.35 it could banish all my lawn-care woes and blemishes including : quack grass, bent grass, crab grass, moss, and a host of other rebellious non-suburbanite- approved bio-diversity. I could imagine the little lawn-inspector man (for some reason I pictured him as a wizened, old leprechaun-like fellow) pursing his lips fussily and tsk-tsking as he trotted over my little lawn peering critically and making ticks on his little chart.

I wouldn't mind so much except that less than a week ago this same company phoned during the dinner hour to inquire whether I'd like them to come on over and nuke my lawn.

"Well, no thanks", I told them. "Not interested."

They went into a spiel on the benefits of weed-killer but before they got very far I interrupted them. "I don't use chemicals on my lawn. I think they're nasty and I'm an organic gardener. I don't want your company's services."

They tried again. I countered. "Yuck. Nasty weed killers. No thanks."


I could hear them bristling over the phone, organic gardening obviously touching on a sensitive subject.

"It's not ALL made of chemicals, "the salesperson spat, before banging down the phone.

Wow. A telemarketer HUNG UP on me. I was impressed.

But they left their calling-card diagnosis on my door anyway.

I went to their web-site to find out what they had to say on the subject of their products and pet/child safety vs. toxicity.

They said:

"If the products can be used safely why are there some people who still express serious concerns about their use?Many people fear things that they know very little about. In fact people naturally have a tendency to fear anything that is man-made, especially chemicals. However, many people do not recognize that there are things that occur in nature including natural chemicals that can be just as toxic or even more harmful than man-made substances. It is important to recognize that it is the dose that makes the poison. All substances can be toxic (including water) depending on the dose. The products used to control weeds on lawns have relatively low toxicity, are applied at low rates and do not pose a significant risk when applied and stored according to their directions."

Yes, well perhaps er, water is toxic to some...and undoubtedly the very naturally poisonous fugu fish and the deadly puff adder rival their weed killer, but no thanks just the same.

*Spider Girl coos to her quack grass and pets her lawn moss with affection. *


Valkyrie said...

I bet people would like crab grass if it had a cute name like... like elf grass!

Liz said...

How annoying. I forgot to put the corn gluten down this year and now my back yard looks like a dandelion patch. If I liked them more I’d just eat them all. Now I’m going to have to sit out there and pull them. I like to sometimes anyway, it’s therapeutic.

blackcrag said...

That is a perfect anwswer that avoids answering anything.

Congratulations on getting a telemarketer to hang up on you. Must have been a newbie.

When is the government creating that no-call list again?

OB Juan said...

What I really love is the fact that everything the use is perfectly safe.....BUT be sure to keeps kids and pets off the lawn for the next 24 hours after they spray!!

If is it perfectly safe why would it matter?

Tai said...

ew...toxic water.

Sherry said...

My hubby loves to play around with the telemarketers that call our house.
Before he is finished they always say "Sorry, we can't help you"...
Then they hang up!

Spider Girl said...

They actually called back again tonight to see if I'd changed my mind, but this time they were nice as pie when I said no thanks.

Valkyrie said...

I can't post on my blog. It's broken! Someone help!!!

erikku said...

This is a phenomenon that I have never heard of, telemarketers hanging up on their "marks." Next time I get one I must remember to repeat that line.

BostonPobble said...

you are my new hero.

Lanch said...

Hmmm telemarketers, the other bane of my existance. I usually tell them exactly in as many words as possible what I am currently doing at that particular moment. I try to keep them on the phone and have made a game of it to see how long I can tie them up.

adman said...

$268.35...I bet they would loose a few grand trying to eliminate all the buttercups in my lawn...actually I don't even have a lawn...I have a buttercup patch with some mossy areas...and some Sasha holes...lawns are overrated